Thoughts & Guidance

Good Friday: What It Shows Us About Grief and Love

Thu, 02 Apr 2026 13:00:28 GMT

There’s a part of every story that feels unfinished.

Not the beginning, where everything is still taking shape. Not the end, where things finally start to make sense. But the middle, the space where something has been lost and nothing has been resolved yet.

Good Friday lives in that space.

It marks a moment of profound loss, where hope feels distant, where something deeply meaningful has been taken, and where those left behind are left to sit with it. Heavy with the weight of what's happened, there's no immediate resolution and no reassurance of what comes next.

Good Friday symbolizes loss, sacrifice, and an unconditional love that didn’t turn away from suffering. It doesn’t rush to resolution or offer quick comfort. Instead, it invites us to pause and acknowledge what’s heavy, what’s real, and what hasn’t been made right yet.

And in that way, it feels familiar.

Because that sounds a lot like grief, doesn’t it?

Grief Doesn’t Follow a Timeline

In our work, we see this every day. Families navigate moments that feel uncertain and unfinished. They might recall conversations they meant to have, discussions that were left unsettled, or memories they didn’t get to make. They go through the days feeling like something is missing, or worse, unresolved.

Everything feels paused. The story has not yet ended, and those living it don’t yet know how it will unfold.

The hardest parts of grief often feel grounded in uncertainty. Asking us to slow and down and sit with it, grief wants us to face what’s in front of us, even it’s uncomfortable. To allow space for quiet, for reflection, and for emotions that don’t have easy explanations.

Grief asks us to be okay with not knowing how the rest of the story will unfold.

Grief Is Not Something to Fix

When faced with something painful, it’s natural to want to make it better. We look for the right words, the right perspective, or something that might ease the weight of what we’re feeling. This instinct comes from a place of care, but grief doesn't respond to solutions in the way we often hope it will.

Grief isn't something that can be fixed or resolved through explanation. It’s not a problem to solve, but instead, it’s an experience to move through. In times of grief, we might think what we need most is guidance or answers — but it’s actually presence. The quiet companionship of someone willing to sit beside us; the reassurance that we don't need to have everything figured out; and the space to feel what we feel without being rushed or redirected.

Good Friday reflects that same kind of presence. It doesn’t attempt to move quickly beyond the pain it represents. It doesn’t skip ahead to the “good part.” Holding the moment fully, it allows space for loss to be acknowledged honestly and without interruption.

There is something meaningful in that. A reminder that presence, even in silence, can be more powerful than any attempt to fix what can't be fixed.

What Good Friday Teaches Us About Grief

At its core, Good Friday offers something quiet but deeply important: permission.

Permission to feel what you feel, without needing to explain it.

Permission to take your time, without needing to move forward before you’re ready.

Permission to recognize that the depth of your grief reflects the depth of your love.

Good Friday tells a story of love that remained present even in suffering. A love that didn’t turn away, even when faced with loss. That same truth carries into our own lives. When we grieve, we're responding to connection, to care, to a relationship that mattered deeply. Grief exists because love exists. The depth of one reflects the depth of the other.

There Is Meaning, Even in the Middle

Even in the hardest parts of the story, there's meaning.

Good Friday doesn't offer immediate resolution or easy comfort. It doesn't attempt to tie the story together before its time. Instead, it allows the moment to exist as it is: heavy, unresolved, and deeply human.

It reminds us that not every moment is meant to be resolved. Some are meant to be lived through, slowly and honestly, even if it hurts.

Holding Space for What Is

If today feels heavy for you, for any reason, there's space for that.

You don’t have to rush past it.
You don’t have to have the right words.
You don’t have to make sense of it yet.

You can simply sit in it.

In our work, we’re honored to sit with families in these same moments every day, offering space, presence, and care when it’s needed most.

Wishing you a meaningful Good Friday.

The Funeral Director Who Helped People Escape Slavery

Fri, 06 Mar 2026 15:40:03 GMT

The remarkable true story of Henrietta Duterte, one of the first women funeral directors in America.

The year is 1852.

A woman stands in the doorway of a funeral parlor in Philadelphia, the weight of fresh grief still heavy on her shoulders. Her husband has died unexpectedly, leaving behind a business that few people would imagine a woman running, let alone a Black woman.

But Henrietta Duterte steps inside anyway.

From Widow to Funeral Director

She learns the work, and the work is demanding. In the era before modern embalming techniques, funerals had to be arranged quickly and carefully. Funeral directors were responsible for transportation, preparation, and coordinating services with families and churches. Day after day, she prepared the deceased, comforted grieving families, and quietly built a reputation for dignity and care. Families trusted her and the community knew her name. The business began to grow.

Under Henrietta’s leadership, the funeral home became known for its reliable and efficient service. Historical accounts estimate the business brought in around $8,000 a year at the time, roughly the equivalent of about $338,000 today.

Henrietta Duterte became one of the earliest known American women to work as a mortician and funeral director.

But her work didn't end when the day was over.

A Secret Role in the Underground Railroad

Philadelphia was a critical hub in the Underground Railroad , the secret network that helped enslaved people escape from the South and travel north toward freedom.

Henrietta Duterte was part of that network.

Her funeral business gave her something invaluable: the ability to move people quietly through the city without drawing attention.

Historical accounts describe how she sometimes helped fugitives by hiding them in coffins or disguising them as part of funeral processions. A carriage carrying a casket was unlikely to be questioned. A funeral procession was rarely interrupted.

The same rituals meant to honor the dead occasionally became a door to a new life for the living.

A Life of Community Leadership

Henrietta's service to her community didn't stop there.

The funeral home allowed her to support institutions that were vital to Philadelphia’s Black community. She contributed to Mother Bethel AME Church, helped support the Home for Aged and Infirm Colored Persons, and gave to organizations assisting formerly enslaved people rebuilding their lives after the Civil War.

In a time when opportunities were limited and discrimination was widespread, Henrietta used her position to strengthen the community around her.

A Legacy Worth Remembering

At its heart, funeral service is about showing up for people when they need it most. It's profession heavily centered on care, dignity, and service to others, often during life’s most difficult moments. Henrietta Duterte embodied that spirit in extraordinary ways.

She ran a successful funeral home when few women did; she supported her community when resources were scarce; and she quietly used her business to help people find freedom.

It might sound like the premise of a historical novel, but it’s not fiction.

It’s the true story of a funeral director who used her work not only to honor lives but to help save them.

Happy Women's History Month!

Key Sources on Henrietta Duterte

1. Philadelphia Area Consortium of Special Collections Libraries (PACSCL)
Provides historical information about her funeral business and family records.
https://pacscl.org/

2. Amsterdam News – “Henrietta Duterte: abolitionist and first woman owner of a funeral home”
Article summarizing her role in the Underground Railroad and funeral profession.
https://amsterdamnews.com/news/2020/04/23/henrietta-duterte-abolitionist-and-first-woman-own/

3. Mother Bethel AME Church historical records
Documents her involvement with the church and Black community institutions in Philadelphia.
https://motherbethel.org/

4. National Museum of African American History & Culture (Underground Railroad context)
Background on the Underground Railroad networks operating in cities like Philadelphia.
https://nmaahc.si.edu/explore/stories/underground-railroad

5. Encyclopedia of Greater Philadelphia – Underground Railroad in Philadelphia
Provides scholarly context about how Philadelphia functioned as a hub for freedom seekers.
https://philadelphiaencyclopedia.org/essays/underground-railroad/

Presidents' Day and the Intentional Legacy

Sun, 01 Mar 2026 05:15:59 GMT

Presidents’ Day invites us to reflect on leadership, history, and national legacy. But beyond the long weekend and the history lessons, it also raises a quieter question: How do we choose to be remembered?

When we think of presidential remembrance, we think of grandeur and granite: The towering seated statue of Abraham Lincoln; the carved visages of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln at Mount Rushmore; the preserved home of George Washington in Mount Vernon; the Harry S. Truman Library marking his burial site in Independence, Missouri; the eternal flame that burns at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy in Arlington National Cemetery.

And of course, the memorials we see daily on our currency, stamps, highways, and scholarships (and much more!)

These memorials did not happen by accident. They were designed, funded, debated, and carefully constructed. Committees decided how these individual's lives were archived and foundations determined how their stories were told. Their memorials reflect intentional decisions about how someone, big in life, can be memorialized in an equally big way in death. That kind of legacy feels monumental.

But for most of us, legacy is far more personal and way less public. Yes, your legacy. Believe it or not, legacy isn't just for the prolific. (You certainly don't have to be President of the United States to leave one!)

Our legacies are determined, not through committees and foundations, but through our personal estate plans. Often framed as financial paperwork — wills, trusts, beneficiary forms, powers of attorney — estate plans are also personal. They're not just about money; they're about memory. They can include:

A written wish that a tree be planted in your honor.
A note about the family recipes you hope will be passed down.
Guidance on which personal items should go to whom and why.
A letter explaining the meaning behind a tradition.
Directions for how you’d like a life to be remembered — formal, simple, celebratory, quiet.

These things may not be financial, but they are valuable. When those decisions are left unspoken, families are often left to interpret, negotiate, and sometimes argue during moments of grief. When they are addressed thoughtfully and in advance, clarity replaces guesswork.

We may never have statues or libraries built in our honor, but we can choose how our legacy lives on. It may live in a recipe card written in familiar handwriting or in a quilt stitched from old shirts. It's rooted in the tree planted in the backyard or strung throughout a playlist of songs that instantly transport someone back in time. Sometimes, it even lives in stories; the ones repeated around the dinner table at a holiday gathering.

Presidents’ Day reminds us that legacy takes many forms. Some legacies are carved into mountains. Others are folded into everyday life. Intentional legacy asks us to consider both the tangible and the intangible parts of a life... and decide how we want that life to be remembered.

To learn more about pre-planning — including how it works alongside estate planning — we’re always available to talk. Contact us at (419) 636-3525 .